ENVY

ENVY

?

It seems to me that jealousy arises not only

in a romantic relationships, but in all sorts

of interactions with other people. May be

“envy” is the right word for it. But it still

means I’m resentful when somebody has

something I want, but don’t have. Can you

talk about this kind f jealousy?

We have been taught to compare, we have been conditioned to always compare. Somebody has a better house, somebody has a more beautiful body, somebody has more money, somebody else has a more charismatic personality. Compare, go on comparing yourself with everybody else you pass by, and a great jealousy will be the outcome. It is the by-product of the conditioning by comparison.

         Otherwise, if you drop comparing, jealousy disappear. Then you simply know you are you, and you are nobody else, and there is no need. It is good that you don’t compare yourself with trees, otherwise you will start feeling very jealous: why are you not green? And why has existence been so hard on you, such that you don’t have the capacity to bear flowers? It is good that you don’t compare yourself with birds, with rivers, with mountains; otherwise you will suffer. You only compare yourselves with human beings. You don’t compare yourself with peacocks and with parrots. Otherwise, your jealousy would be greater and greater; you would be so burdened by jealousy that you would not be able to live at all.

         Comparison is a very foolish attitude, because each person is unique and incomparable. Once this understanding settles in you jealousy disappears. Each is unique and incomparable—you are just yourself; nobody has ever been like you and nobody will ever be like you. And you need not be like anybody else, either. Existence creates only originals; it does not believe in carbon copies.

                           A bunch of chickens were in the yard when a football

                  flew over the fence and landed in their midst. A rooster

                  waddled over, studied it, then said, “I’m not complaining,

                  girls, but look at the work they are turning out next door.”

         Next door, great things are happening. The grass is greener, the roses are rosier, everybody seems to be so happy—except you. You are continually comparing. And the same is the case with others, they are comparing too. May be they think that the grass in your lawn is greener—it always looks greener from a distance—and you have a more beautiful wife. You are tired of her, you cannot imagine why you allowed yourself to be trapped by this woman, you don’t know how to get rid of her—and the neighbor may be jealous that you have such a beautiful wife! You may be jealous of him for the same reason, and he may be feeling the same about his wife.

         Everybody is jealous of everybody else. And out of jealousy we create such hell, and we become very mean.

                  An elderly farmer was moodily regarding the ravages

                  of the flood. “Hiram!” yelled a neighbor. “Your pigs were

                  all washed down the creek.”

                  “How about Thompson’s pigs?” asked the farmer.

                  “They’re gone too.”

                  “And Larsen’s?”

                  “Yes.”

                  “Humphf!” grunted the farmer, cheering up. “It ain’t

                  as bad as I thought.”

         If everybody else is in a misery, it feels better. If everybody else is losing it feels good, and if everybody else is happy and succeeding it tastes bitter. But why does the idea of the other enter in your head in the first place? Again, let me remind you: it is because you have not allowed your own juices to flow.

         You have not allowed your own blissfulness to grow, you have not allowed your being to bloom; hence, you feel empty inside. But you look at each and everybody’s outside, because only other’s outside—that creates jealousy. They know your outside, and they know their inside—that creates jealousy.

         Nobody else knows your inside. There, you know you are nothing, worthless. And the others on the outside looks so happy. The smiles maybe phony, but how can you know they are phony? May be their hearts are smiling, you know your smile is phony, because your heart is not smiling at all; it may be crying and weeping.

         You now your interiority—and only you know it, nobody else. You know everybody else’s exterior, and people have made their exterior beautiful, just as you have. Exteriors are show pieces and they are very deceptive.

         There is a Sufi story:

         A man was very much burdened by his suffering. He used to pray every day to God, “Why me?” Everybody seems to be so happy, why am I only in such suffering?” one day, out of great desperation, he prayed to God, “You can give me anybody else’s suffering and I am ready to accept it. But take mine, I cannot bear it anymore.”

         That night he had a beautiful dream—beautiful and very revealing. He had a dream that God appeared in the sky and he said to everybody, “Bring all your suffering into the temple.” Everybody was tired of his suffering; in fact, everybody has prayed sometime or the other, “I am ready to accept anybody else’s suffering, but take mine away; this is too much, it is unbearable.”

         So everybody gathered his own suffering into the bags, and they reached the temple, and they were all looking very happy. The day has come, their prayers have been heard! And this man also rushed to the temple.

         Then God Said, “Put your bags by the walls.” All the bags were put by the walls, and then God declared: “Now you can choose. Anybody can take any bag.”

         And the most surprising thing was this: this man, who had been praying always, rushed to get his own bag before anybody else could choose it! And he was in for a surprise, because everybody else also rushed to get his own bag, and everybody was happy to choose it again.

         What was the reason? For the first time, everybody had seen other’s miseries, other’s suffering—the others’ bags were just as big, or even bigger!

         And the second reason was that everybody had become accustomed to their own sufferings. Now to choose somebody else’s: Who knows what kind of suffering will be inside the bag? Why bother? At least you are familiar with your own sufferings, and you have become accustomed to them. And they are tolerable; for so many years you have tolerated them, why choose the unknown?

         Everybody went home happy. Nothing had changed, they were bringing the same suffering back, but everybody was happy and smiling and joyous that he could get his own bag back.

         In the morning the man prayed to God and said, “Thank you for the dream; I will never ask again. Whatever you have given men is good for me, must be good for me; that’s why you have given it to me.”

         Because of jealousy you are in constant suffering and you become mean to others. Because of jealousy you start becoming phony, you start pretending. You start pretending that things that you don’t have. You start pretending that things that you can’t have, which are natural to you. You become more artificial. Imitating others, competing with others. What else can you do? If somebody has something and you don’t have it, and you don’t have a natural possibility of having it, the only way is to have some cheap substitute.

                 

                  Jim and Nancy smith had a great time in Europe this summer;          they went everywhere and did everything. Paris, Rome…you name it,          they saw it and they did it. But it was so embarrassing coming back          home and going through customs. You know how customs officers          three wigs, silk underwear, perfume, hair coloring… really          embarrassing. And that was just Jim’s bag!

        

         Just look inside your bag and you will find so many artificial, phony, pseudo things—for what? Why can’t you be natural and spontaneous? It is because of jealousy.

         The jealous person lives in hell. Drop comparing, the jealousy will disappears, meanness disappears, phonies disappears.

         But you can drop it only if you start growing your inner treasures; there is no other way. Grow up, become a more and more authentic individual. Love yourself and respect yourself the way existence have made you, they were always open; you simply had not looked at them.

Source:

Emotional Wellness

Discourses of Osho